*2001-05-15 - 10:48 p.m.*

I'm in a breezy sort of mood right now. Have you ever felt like your the breeze? That's how I feel. It's a weird analogy, but it works. I want so many things, not physical, material things, just emotional stuff.

Lauren and I had an interesting talk the other day. About emotions and relationships, etc. She was worried because I have no emotional scars. I never really thought about it before. I don't. I don't let stuff effect me. I can kill a "crush" in 15 minutes. I got over a very good friend telling me to "Fuck off, I never want to see you again" in a day (we're talking again anyway). When the "object of my affections" (to use an overused cliché)/best friend told me he had a girlfriend and he'd been dating her for a month, I was happy for him. It was a relief to know where I stood (Lauren called me an idiot for that one :-). I have no emotional scars. Some may consider me lucky. Others may consider me part machine. Lauren is worried about it. I'm just me.

However, it got me thinking. All my life I wanted to be everything. Stoic, yet emotional. Naive, yet knowlageable. A best friend, or a worst enemy. Someone who stays in the background, yet someone you'll never forget. I always thought that if I was a culmination of everything, I would be better for it. I would be free. Well, I think I've pulled it off to some degree. The real question is, am I better then I might have been? Who knows?

As if you couldn't tell, lately I've been all about emotion. Maybe it's a phase, and I'll grow out of it. My uncle says I've gotten a little flakey. I don't think so. I think I've just changed a little. That sort of thing comes with age :-) I still have the same intrests, but I'm seeing things from a more emotional veiwpoint, not so analytical. Maybe that'll end when I go to college, and starting getting into the sciences and math again. Hmm...something to ponder about.

Well, it's getting late, and I think I've rambled on enough. G'night all.