*2001-10-22 - 8:48 p.m.*

I am not liking being home. I don't know why. I do know that my appitite and sleeping habits have gone to shit. I know that I'm unhappy a lot of the time. And I know that nothing's changed. My siblings are still as annoying if not worse. My friends haven't changed a bit. It seems like the only one who's changed is me.

My shell is weakening.

I can feel it. The formerly untouchable unphasable Steph is losing that objective part of her nature. The part of her that didn't care about anything except helping others and learning more to be able to help others is disappearing. And I don't know how to get it back. I want it back. I am begining to really not like myself. I feel that I have no talent, no skills, that there is nothing useful about me. I'm not productive. I don't want to think about myself and my own flaws and shortcomings. I just need to accomplish something. I need to be proud of something I've done. I haven't felt proud of myself in a long while.

BTW, to anyone who reads this who knows me IRL, don't do or say anything about this. It's a phase, it'll pass. Everyone has their peaks and valleys. I'm just in a bit of a valley right now.

Don't worry. I can still hold my own.