*09.11.2003 - 11:22 a.m.*

Did you ever had a day when you realized how totally involved in your own life you really are? I was reading ym profile and I started reading through all of my friend's diaries...and I realized how much I had missed. Many people had been updating for months and I hadn't had the chance to read them. Many people moved to livejournal and didn't even know. Some just dissappeared or got passworded. All the same, it hurt. I felt so badly because I've haven't been networking like I should be. Like a friend should. I've barely called Lauren, or my sister, or my fmaily. I haven't talked to Sean since the Philly trip.

I've been getting hurt a lot easier lately. I don't know why. I don't like being hurt. I kinda wish things could be like they were. When I kept in touch with all the Fruheads, and all of my friend's friend's, and I was a shoulder to cry on. I don't know what I am now...a workaholic who addicted to sleep? I want everything to be happy and enjoyable again. I want tons of people in my life again. I feel so separated from what I once was.

But, I also want to meet more new people. I want to make more friends. I want people to hang out with when others can't. I hate being in the house alone...knowing that under the nice interior is a family separated.

I wish I was having lunch with someone right now.

::sigh::

G-D! I WANT TO STOP THIS SIGHING BS! I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE! I WANT TO BE BOUNCY WITHOUT HAVING TO CONSUME CHOCOLATE FIRST!

...

What have I become?